This Accident of Being Lost by Leanne Betasamosake Simpson

Author:Leanne Betasamosake Simpson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: House of Anansi Press Inc
Published: 2017-04-05T16:23:07+00:00

A FEW GOOD REASONS TO WEAR A LONG SKIRT

you can cut part of your skirt off if you need bandages, hair ties, j cloths, a sling, rope, fishing line, shoe laces, a belt, a sack, kleenex, toilet paper, ear plugs, a hat, a protest sign, a flag, a towel, a trail marker, snares, or dental floss. also, if someone loses their loin cloth, you can whip one up out of your skirt, & still have ample skirt left over.

if you are in a big hurry & you aren’t wearing underwear and you want to have sex with someone, it could save time.

if you want to masturbate, but you are in public, you could use your skirt as a tent.

if you’re on the lake in your canoe & you drop your paddles & you forgot your whistle & it’s too far to reach the paddles, you could use your skirt as a sail to sail to shore.

if you are ice fishing & someone falls in the hole, you could use your skirt as a rescue rope to rescue them.

if some youth of the day steal the canadian flag from the flagpole outside the high school, they could fly your skirt until they buy a new flag.

if you need to attack a fort, you can get everyone together to play a fake a game of lacrosse with the shirts, and then when one of the skins “accidentally” throws the ball into the fort, & they open the gates to get it, you & all your skirted friends can take your knives & axes out from underneath your skirts & attack the fuck out of the british.

(tested and proven to work june 2, 1763, at fort michilimackinac.)

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